Or, what not to do. These are all stereotypes that I’ve repeatedly encountered in books, movies, TV and fanfiction.

You may notice that most of these stereotypes treat asexuality and aromanticism as the same thing, as if lack of sexual attraction automatically implies no desire for romance or love of any kind. But most asexual people are not aromantic, and most aromantic people still want to form close, platonic relationships.

(Note: allosexual = non-asexual.)

The asexual psychopath
This is a villainous or manipulative character whose cold-hearted nature is highlighted by their lack of interest in sex. In this stereotype, asexuality is conflated with aromanticism, and in turn conflated with all forms of love and compassion - after all, if a character doesn’t want a sexual partner, it must be because they are a self-absorbed jerk cut off from all human empathy, right? No. Stop it. Don’t use a character’s lack of sexual desire as a tool to suggest that they don’t care about other people.

Fun fact: In reality, people with severe psychopathy may not be able to “love” someone selflessly, but they usually experience romantic and sexual attraction like most people do.

The asexual robot
This stereotype uses asexuality as a way to show that a character is cold, unemotional, or detached. It’s very similar to the “asexual psychopath” stereotype because it also uses asexuality as shorthand for lacking many other positive emotions. It’s also problematic because it suggests that asexuality is the same as choosing to be celibate, or that it’s a personality flaw, and that it can be changed by falling in love.

Most asexual people are as warm, human and emotional as everybody else. If you must write an asexual character as cold and detached, their asexuality should not emerge at the same time their cold demeanor does, and it shouldn’t go away when character development makes the character open up and connect with people. It should be an independent factor.

The desexualized autistic character
This is what happens when a character’s asexuality is treated as a side-effect of having autism or Asperger’s syndrome. While asexual autism-spectrum people exist in real life, conflating these two traits is damaging, stereotypical and insulting. It hurts asexual people because it implies that their sexual orientation isn’t legitimate, but just a side effect of being neuro-atypical; and it hurts autism-spectrum people because it desexualizes them, when many or most of them are not asexual. (Desexualization is a common effect of ableism.) This problem can even happen if the character is not named as autistic within the context of the story (Hello, Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory).

I’m not saying you shouldn’t write asexual autistic characters. Representing autism and other different cognitive profiles in your stories is a great idea, as long as you do it well. You need to keep your character’s asexuality and their autism distinct, and treat both of those traits as real, important and worthy of respect. Don’t treat either of these things as a joke, a flaw, or as a side effect of the other. I’m not informed enough to discuss autism in depth, so I suggest reading things written by autism-spectrum people about their experiences and their sexualities.

The repressed allosexual
In which an allosexual person grew up with very negative views about sex, and they just need to be “liberated” so they can blossom into a beautiful sexy butterfly. The asexuality is confused with celibacy, and is portrayed as a fake or temporary identity.

Most people who are sexually repressed identify as straight, not asexual. And most asexual people have sex-positive views: they are supportive of a wide range of sexual lifestyles and orientations for other people. The asexual community at large is secular, LGBT+ friendly, and frequently discusses sex and sexuality. Any repressed person who joins will not remain repressed for very long.

The traumatized allosexual
In which a person becomes asexual, or just starts calling themself asexual, after a bad relationship or sexual experience.

There’s some debate over whether negative childhood experiences can influence a person to grow up asexual. But most asexual people were never abused, and most abused people do not become asexual. Even if the abuse influences a person’s asexuality for SOME people, that does not make them any less asexual, nor does it make their sexual orientation any less real. These people should not be expected to “get over it” so that they can become sexually active. Therapy should not attempt to change their asexuality, and if they get into a romantic relationship, the power of love should not magically overcome their asexuality and “heal” them of it.

There is a trope in fanfiction called the “magical healing cock.” It refers to a character’s hang-ups, traumas and emotional issues being cured by a really good night in bed. In this scenario, asexuality is just a disorder that can be cured with sex. Not only is this offensive and wrong about asexuality, but it also creates an inaccurate idea of therapy and recovery for survivors of abuse. Real people’s problems can’t be fixed just by having good sex - and asexuality isn’t a problem to be fixed in the first place.

The innocent allosexual
These characters are only asexual because they are as pure and virginal as the untrodden snow; after exposure to True Love and good sex, their sex drives will burst forth into the open like grizzly bears after winter. This stereotype assumes that the characters somehow managed to avoid being exposed to porn, locker rooms, beaches, masturbation, university, wet dreams, booze, or anything else that could awaken their sexual nature, even if they are thirty year old men.

This stereotype equates asexuality with sexual naivete, or immaturity. The character isn’t really asexual, just a late bloomer. It’s a problem because real asexuals are frequently invalidated by people saying “You’re too young to know,” “You’re just a late bloomer,” or even offering to have sex with the asexual person in order to “help” them. Real asexual people run the gamut from lifelong virgins, to extremely sexually experienced, and everywhere in between. If they are virgins, it’s usually because they just don’t have any incentive to have sex, not because they are unfamiliar with the topic. They have plenty of opportunities to become sexually active but just don’t feel any urge to do so; if they do eventually have sex, their personalities won’t do a 180 and suddenly they’ll want it as much as everyone else.

The undesirable allosexual
In which a character is asexual because nobody would want to have sex with them anyway. Here, asexuality is treated as a negative, involuntary consequence of rejection from other people, or as just one more flaw on top of others that make a person less worthy of love or respect. Closely related to this is the “low self-esteem asexual,” who only calls themself asexual because they think nobody will ever want to have sex with them.

Asexual people come in all ages, sizes and ranges of beauty. Most of us look pretty average, and could certainly get laid if we just tried hard enough. There aren’t many of us who are utterly unattractive to everyone. And most people who feel insecure and miserable about not having a date don’t know that asexuality exists, so they don’t call themselves that. Some asexual people DO worry about not being able to find a partner, especially romantic asexuals, but in that case their asexuality is distinct from their romantic orientation.

The secretly gay asexual
Ah yes, because de-legitimizing one sexual orientation in order to serve another isn’t oppressive and hurtful at all! </sarcasm.> In this stereotype, a gay or lesbian character claims to be asexual as a way to avoid the stigma of homosexuality, or because they are in denial.

Let me count the problems with this idea: Most gay and lesbian people don’t know asexuality exists, so they won’t identify as it. People who are in denial about being gay are far more likely to identify as straight than asexual, because they want to be “normal.” Identifying oneself as asexual is not a good way to avoid negative attention and stigma. Most asexual people are supportive of LGBT+ rights. The asexual community encourages people to explore their sexuality instead of repressing it and trying to act “normal.”

And last but not least, people can be both asexual AND gay! Or bi, or pan, or straight. Treating asexuality as a smokescreen for being gay erases all of the gay and lesbian asexual people out there.

The slut-shaming asexual
The evil older brother to the “repressed allosexual” stereotype, this character is asexual because they hate sex, both for themselves and for other people. They will disrespect other people who have sex, especially women. They may be homophobic or transphobic as well. Bizarrely, these characters treat sex as a wicked temptation, while in reality asexual people don’t find sex very tempting at all.

It would be more accurate to call these characters “antisexual,” not asexual. Or you could just call them bigots. Real antisexual people are usually not asexual, but actually allosexual people who have strict ideas about sexual morality. And like I said above, most people who identify as asexual actually have sex-positive views.

The fetishized asexual
I’ve written a whole ‘nother essay about this before. If you think asexuality seems sad, erotic, romantic, or exciting, or if you think it’s a neat “quirk” for a romance story to overcome, then you need to read this.

Anyway, there are probably some stereotypes and cliches that I’ve forgotten. Add your own if you like.